Inside the Mirror

The weekly photo challenge this week is “inside”. I share these photos of the view inside the mirror. The reflections of what we have already passed by as we travel along the highway, speaks to me of my life’s path. At this time in my life, I can’t help but look back at what was. It is difficult to look inside memories without the events of last year distorting what I see.

For some months after my ex’s arrest, I had to will myself to focus on the now. DIRTYReflecting on our marriage just made me feel angry and hurt.  I cried because I felt all my memories had become tainted and dirty like a dusty road. I felt robbed of all that was good in my life. I could not help but wonder if perhaps it was at this event or that party that something abusive was going on behind my back. I started looking for the signs I had missed that would have revealed the truth.

REFLECTEDAt other times, especially when I was alone and discouraged, I would look inside the mirror of our past and it seemed brighter than the road ahead. The road I am on seemed blurred and uncertain.

Other times the reflection in the mirror is beautiful while the road ahead seems too dark and lonely.Looking Back

These thoughts inside my head were leading me into a pit but God is good. He instructs us to take our eyes off the negative things in our life and focus on the positive. We are instructed to consider the loveliness of life.

 Philippians 4:8 ‘Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.’

If we look inside our memories, we can become bitter and filled with regret. As for me, I strive to focus on the lovely things in my life.  I choose to keep my eyes looking ahead to the path I am on, with wonderful family and friends, great opportunities and perhaps an adventure or two. There are times when I fail, but there is always a hand ready to pick me up and I am so grateful.

I choose to stop looking inside the mirror to see the reflection of what was, rather I am looking through the window into my future.

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Tangled in a Web of Manipulation

Today I feel a bit like this dragon fly. I sat on my deck and watched this lovely insect struggle.Caught in a web

It was enjoying the day, flitting around the garden as dragonflies do, when a nasty spider caught the red beauty in its web.

As I watched, the dragonfly became completely tangled. The spider watched from the edge, licking its lips.

waiting to devourI felt rather like the innocent dragonfly. I too have been caught in a web spun from lies and based on betrayal. I have written of this before and most of the time I enjoy my freedom and flit through my days quite happily.

Then I became ill.

I felt very alone during the long nights in the hospital room. When I came home, the phone calls from my ex-husband began in earnest. He told me of his concern for my well being. He told that once he was out of jail, he would take care of me. He told me how wonderful he is, how he has changed. He spun a web with strands of lies and promises. In my weakened and lonely state, I became caught in the web of his manipulating and contolling words.The calls came at least twice a day sometimes three or four times a day.hanging upside down

I took a couple of photos of the dragonfly, then I grasped the strands of web and placed the insect on the deck. It struggled and tried to fly but the strands of the web held it down.

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rescued

I too struggled. Like the dragonfly, I needed a helping hand. I needed my friends to guide me out of the tangled web. Through talking it out, I came to realize the truth. I came to realize that I had to choose. I could remain in the web struggling or I could use my wings. I knew what I had to do. I had to choose freedom.

Finally the dragonfly flew a foot, then two and then it shook off the last of the silky strands and took to the air. It was free and did not look back.

Today I took flight.once more. I have learned that I must not look back. I have learned to consider whatever is good in my life and I have learned to keep my eyes off the bad. I do not want to dwell on the negative because those are the kind of thoughts that drag me down. I am able to see the promises he makes are all part of his sick and twisted mind. He continues to try and control me and, if I am not wary, I could fall for his promises and become tangled in his web once more. I have a choice: freedom or slavery to his perverted mind.

Like the dragonfly, I choose freedom. My wings are delicate. I do not want the edges to become ragged and torn. I know I must protect my new found wings if I want to keep on flying and enjoying my wonderful new life.wings