Inside the Mirror

The weekly photo challenge this week is “inside”. I share these photos of the view inside the mirror. The reflections of what we have already passed by as we travel along the highway, speaks to me of my life’s path. At this time in my life, I can’t help but look back at what was. It is difficult to look inside memories without the events of last year distorting what I see.

For some months after my ex’s arrest, I had to will myself to focus on the now. DIRTYReflecting on our marriage just made me feel angry and hurt.  I cried because I felt all my memories had become tainted and dirty like a dusty road. I felt robbed of all that was good in my life. I could not help but wonder if perhaps it was at this event or that party that something abusive was going on behind my back. I started looking for the signs I had missed that would have revealed the truth.

REFLECTEDAt other times, especially when I was alone and discouraged, I would look inside the mirror of our past and it seemed brighter than the road ahead. The road I am on seemed blurred and uncertain.

Other times the reflection in the mirror is beautiful while the road ahead seems too dark and lonely.Looking Back

These thoughts inside my head were leading me into a pit but God is good. He instructs us to take our eyes off the negative things in our life and focus on the positive. We are instructed to consider the loveliness of life.

 Philippians 4:8 ‘Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.’

If we look inside our memories, we can become bitter and filled with regret. As for me, I strive to focus on the lovely things in my life.  I choose to keep my eyes looking ahead to the path I am on, with wonderful family and friends, great opportunities and perhaps an adventure or two. There are times when I fail, but there is always a hand ready to pick me up and I am so grateful.

I choose to stop looking inside the mirror to see the reflection of what was, rather I am looking through the window into my future.

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I am Shattered Pottery

He took the broken pieces of my life and put me back together.

Let me tell you the story from the beginning. It was the Sunday after my husband’s arrest.  I was clinging to my sanity by a single thread. I slipped into church and sat alone. I wished I was invisible.Mended with Gold I did not dare talk to anyone, the tears were balanced on the edge of my eyes, threatening to fall.

The Pastor spoke about the verse from – 2 Corinthians 4:7   “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.”

As I listened, I had a vision. I saw myself as a clay jar, sitting quietly on the edge of a cliff similar to the Grand Canyon. Suddenly, a very large boot kicked me hard. I flew off the cliff and fell down, down, down into the deep dark canyon. I landed hard and broke into a hundred pieces. brokenThe darkness overwhelmed me, and, as my tears fell, I sensed a light beside me. I turned toward the light and I saw Jesus pick up a broken piece of pottery and he began to wipe it clean. As he worked, he gently told me that he would put me back together one piece at a time. He told me it would take time. He asked me to be patient. He explained that he would be using gold to hold the pieces together.

In the weeks after the vision, I came to learn about Kintsugi. It is the Japanese art of repairing pottery with gold. The act of repairing beautiful and precious ceramics with pure gold demonstrates that something broken and skillfully fixed can become more beautiful and stronger than the original.

I am holding on to this vision. When darkness threatens to flood my soul once more, I close my eyes and I can see Jesus sitting beside me, healing yet another broken part of my life.

It has been over a year since I had that wonderful encounter and I feel that many of my broken places are back in place and are more beautiful than ever before. My life is richer and I have loving friends who lift me up when I fall down. My heart continues to heal and each day is a new opportunity. I am no longer afraid of my tomorrows. I take the gift of each new day and walk the road I am on. It is not the road I chose to follow, but I do believe it is the only road that will lead me to wholeness.

Post written as part of the weekly writing challenge: Backward.