I Once Had a Secret.

Today the daily prompt question is: What’s the most significant secret you’ve ever kept? Did the truth ever come out?

I once had a secret. I was a child and in my childishness, I was afraid to speak. The man always made me feel important, he made me feel special and I needed that. I longed to hear him tell me I was beautiful. I knew I was not the only girl he took into the barn, but in my heart, I believed I was his special girl. It was a time of deep conflict in my mind. I hated him, I hated what he did, but he filled my desire to feel wanted. He told me that my parents would not approve, I believed him, so I kept the secret.

Old barn

Old barn (Photo credit: dbarronoss)

The day came when he no longer called to me as I walked by. That is when the real pain began, the pain of rejection. The pain of shame. I secretly endured that pain, convinced I was no longer even good enough for him. I stuffed the shame and rejection deep in my heart but it affected me in all my relationships, I was shy and afraid.
When the secret finally came to the surface, the man was already dead.

I kept the secret for a long time, I would use evasive action when talk of abuse rose in the conversations around me. Healing is a process. The story of my abuse and my healing is a wonderful story of victory. This abuse is just the beginning of my memoir, my story.

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27 thoughts on “I Once Had a Secret.

  1. Thank you for Having the courage to share your story. Us survivors have a responsibility to share our stories of hope and healing!
    You rock! Keep sharing your story!

      • If enough of us speak up…they will know they are not alone. I remember feeling like I was the only girl in the world enduring such abuse…now as an adult, almost every woman I know endured the same pain. Know plenty of men too. It is the quiet epidemic of this country. We are their voices!

      • yes we are the voice. It is so sad that it continues. My story of abuse continued into my marriage and beyond. I am writing my memoir and will be adding bits of it here over time.

      • Good for you! I have begun touching on my story in various writings on my blog. Amazing how freeing it is! 🙂

  2. This is a beautiful but sad story and also very true. I believe this needs to be out there in order to help others who have experienced abuse.

  3. I can totally relate, I still hold that secret. Since the man is already dead I didn’t think it would be worth the awkwardness to share the info with anyone.

  4. What an amazing woman you are…yes you have overcome and are victorious!!!
    Your sharing will open up the discussion where it is still a secret…opening up sets you FREE!!

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