Today the daily prompt question is: What’s the most significant secret you’ve ever kept? Did the truth ever come out?
I once had a secret. I was a child and in my childishness, I was afraid to speak. The man always made me feel important, he made me feel special and I needed that. I longed to hear him tell me I was beautiful. I knew I was not the only girl he took into the barn, but in my heart, I believed I was his special girl. It was a time of deep conflict in my mind. I hated him, I hated what he did, but he filled my desire to feel wanted. He told me that my parents would not approve, I believed him, so I kept the secret.
The day came when he no longer called to me as I walked by. That is when the real pain began, the pain of rejection. The pain of shame. I secretly endured that pain, convinced I was no longer even good enough for him. I stuffed the shame and rejection deep in my heart but it affected me in all my relationships, I was shy and afraid.
When the secret finally came to the surface, the man was already dead.
I kept the secret for a long time, I would use evasive action when talk of abuse rose in the conversations around me. Healing is a process. The story of my abuse and my healing is a wonderful story of victory. This abuse is just the beginning of my memoir, my story.
- Removing the Shame Associated With Abuse (letlifeinpractices.com)